G.N.N. Geordie News Network

Now as you can tell from my accent, I grew up in Newcastle.

Newcastle Upon Tyne.

Rarely a day goes by without someone remarking on that fact.

If you're wondering why I haven't got a very thick Geordie accent, it's because I only lived there since I was thirteen, so I only really developed one so I was able to go to some of Newcastle's dodgiest estates and buy hash.

"How man, have you got any tack. Aye fiver deal?"

"Do you want to come in for a bucket" served as hospitality in those days, a bucket is a mind bending way of consuming hashish smoke, if doesn't really matter what it is, but suffice to say you never really have more than one bucket in your life.

Unless you're mental.

So that's why I had the Geordie accent.

Because I then moved to London and wanted to get a job in something other than the doorman industry, it seemed like a good idea to drop the accent.

I was also now able to buy drugs just by asking for them in a normal voice, so why bother.

I love Newcastle. Newcastle is a great, great city.

Geordie's are by far the most positive people you'll ever meet.
Normally, the consensus is that Americans are the most positive, that's not true.

I once saw a documentary on the Bigg market, Newcastle's infamous drinking, vomiting and fighting square mile and a Geordie Bar Man came on and looked straight to camera and said

"Some times you speak to people and they're depressed and that. And I just don't don't understand it. Get a bar job man". Mint. Trebles for singles. Blarty. Yeah. Keegan. Toon Army." Etc etc.

Of course if you ever find a Geordie that's emigrated to California, you're going to have the most positive person, in the world, ever.

"Just like sometimes you speak to people and they're depressed and that and I just divvent get it man. Get a bar job in California. Sunshine. Bikinis. Pina Coladas. Arnie Schwartzy. Miiiiiiint!".

I did once ask a Geordie why they thought Geordie's were so positive and they said "Well, there's fuck all else to do."

Which, having been to Whitley Bay is fair enough.

Anyways, what with Geordies being so positive and the news always being so negative I thought maybe the two could balance each other out.

Everything always sounds so much more upbeat and positive in a Geordie voice so why not have a Geordie News Channel, staffed only by Geordie Anchormen.

No, hang on, let's think bigger, let's go International.

Let's have a Geordie News Network.

G.N.N. we could call it.
See what I did there?

"And today in Quala Lumpar, there's been a muckle big bomb gone off and that, and lerrdds of people have been incinerated in the ensuing fireball that swept through the city. It's not good. Is it. But, at the end of the day, there's no use sitting around moping aboot it, get a bar job man. Miiiint!"

"Swine flu is shaping up to be a global pandemic which threatens world health as today the United Nations upgraded the threat to Defcon Five. But, at the end of the day, there's nee point getting depressed aboot it. There's nowt you can do. So you might as well just, get a bar job man Miiiint!".

"Global recession is biting hard in the UK now with pub chains Wetherspoons announcing 400 job cuts in the next quarter. Well, fair enough,m like, it's not great news, but, just get an Unpaid bar job man. Miiiint!"