Andy Murray's Mum

It's not new news when I say to you that professional sport's a way of releasing primal agression in a controlled way. In a way that's more acceptable to society than just going out and smashing someone over the head with a brick.

So when we're watching sport, and someone starts shouting and yelling either at how well or how badly they're doing, we're cool with it.

It's fine.

We get it.

But there's something about seeing that level of aggression in someones mum that, I don't know, it's just wrong somehow.

When Andy Murray's Mum watched him play the Marathon match against Stansilav Wawrinka to get into the Semis, she was not holding back in her showing of emotion.

Every time he hit a winner, she was up out of her chair going.
(complete with actions - tearing head)

"come on, get him, fuck him up"

"fuck that fucker up"

"rip the dirty little Swiss bastard's head off"

"tear off Stanislav's balls and make him choke to death on them"

I mean, a lot of this stuff I'm garnering from lip reading, or a combination of lip reading and body language analysis.

Let me show you some of the stuff I saw and try my best to ape the body language and I'll see if any of you can guess what she was saying.

The person I felt most sorry for in all of this, apart from Andy Murray's dad, and Andy Murray, she doesn't look like the kind of mum that would take too kindly to your only contribution to the housework being lifting your feet up off the sofa as she hoovered around them.

No, the person I felt sorry for was Andy Murray's fiance. I mean, what is the correct way to behave in such a situation with your future mother-in-law.

Andy Murrays' Mum had raised the bar sufficiently high that the only option of out-doing her on the aggression/love/support scale would be to take out an actual heart from a Tupperware box she had in her Hermes handbag and actually start gorging on it while mumbling

"Rip out the heart of his first born Andy, destroy him, kill him, eat his kids".

As blood dripped down her pretty white camisole.

Which I think we'll all agreement that this would have been a little strong. So she just had to do the right thing and let the mum be the Alpha female supporter, and she could just take a supporting back seat.