Left luggage will be taken and may be destroyed

May be destroyed?
May be destroyed?

What kind of bizarre power trip are the people who work in left luggage in airports on?

Are they all sitting around in some windowless room waiting for the next piece of left luggage to turn up.

"Well lookee, lookee, lookee here. What have we got ourselves? A black samsonite mid-size suitcase if I'm not very much mistaken. Mid 90's. Argos I would hazard"

"Maybe John Lewis"

"John Lewis could be John Lewis. Most likely they bought it there but price matched it at Argos if they had their wits about them"

"Argos prices, John Lewis service"

"Argos prices, John Lewis service"

"Never knowingly undersold"

At this point it might be worth mentioning that that was supposed to be two people. A conversation between two airport security staff in a windowless office in, say Luton. But, I do understand that due to my limited accent skills, having to actually explain that that was two people does detract slightly from he humour of the situation.

I do understand that.

I do.

I just can't do accents.

I can one accent.

(dropped) And then drop it to represent another person.

But basically it's the same person.

(dropped) Just in a lower register

Not very impressive really is it

(dropped) No.

----

I digress. Left luggage will be taken and may be destroyed.

How do they decide?

Toss a coin.
Play cards. Play that hand game with the suitcase that you play at school to see who flinches first. Clearly the last one was a silly suggestion so let's take that off the table.

I just like the idea of these guys sitting around menacing an inanimate object.

Here come the accents again.
It's possibly worth mentioning at this point that should you have no first hand experience of actually meeting the people who work in Left Luggage at airports is they all; speak slightly like shit gangsters.

And this is in no way a coincidence that that's one of the few accents I can do.

"So, (cracks knuckles) What we going to do with old Samsonite here?"

"Dunno. We could do nothing with him"

"Yeah we could do nothing with him. Or we could rip his stupid little fucking wheels off and then stamp on his front pocket then take it to a little room in the back and blow the bastard from here to Timbuktu. To be honest with you that's how I'm inclined to play it if that fucker gives me one more fucking funny look"

"Yeah."

"Yeah"

"Not such a big man now are you Sam-son-ite"

"Yeah"

And so on. And so forth.