Stop laughing

Before we get started I'd like to start with a disclaimer.

My biggest problem, as a comedian is that I am only able to make people laugh unintentionally.

And worse, when I want people to laugh, they won't.

So, if there's anything I say tonight that makes you laugh, it's pretty likely, very likely even, that I didn't mean to.

So if you're laughing and I'm looking cross, that's what 's happening.

This also applies to grins, smiles, smirk and even internal laughter which I'm also very adept at spotting, some of you are even doing it now, as well as actual laughter.

To anyone out there who is not laughing right now, and has no plans to laugh. that's good. Well done. This is a disclaimer and is not intended to be humorous in any way whatsoever.

ENDING:

(pull out whoopee cushion) Make a fart noise.

(depending on reaction) Some of you/you have passed the test.