hip hip hip hip hooray/tom cruise/bravo brava

The sun has got his hat on.
Hip hip hip hip hooray, the sun has got his hat on and he's coming out to play. Yay!
'Tis a beautiful sunny morning which puts any right thinking individual in a fine frame of mind about the day, funny, sometimes in Winter you actually forget not only what the sun is but whether or not it even exists. You kind of catch sight of it and you go "bugger me, what's that, someones left a big light on in the sky, what a horrific waste of money - that must be terrible for global warming. people should be ashamed of themselves etc etc".

On that point, and this is one hell of a digression, it's quite scary how quickly once one changes one's own behaviour that one can become incredibly, not just smug, because I think smugness would be kind of acceptable, but more, openly hostile towards others who do what you used to do, like five minutes ago.

So, I used to leave the tap on when I was doing my teeth until someone who was living with me said it was incredibly wasteful and slightly annoyingly used to actually turn it off while I was brushing my teeth and then I changed that habit and then when I see someone else doing it I kind of wait in the hallway slowly shaking my head in disapproval thinking "soooooooo selfish, just sooooo selfish".

Well, I don't really, but there's a tiny bit of me that does. Humans are scary individuals no? Well at least this one is. I think the same goes for turning the TV off at the mains which I've recently been congratulated on as an exceptionally green and good citizen-y thing to do but the truth of the matter, and a truth I've not exactly fessed up to, is that the reason I do it is not to save the planet or as my own small gesture against the rise of coal power stations in the third world. It's just because the up lighters (yeah I know, check me out, I'm so fashionable in 1987) are attached to the same plug as the TV and if I turn it all off together it's altogether more efficient.

And if you think that's interesting, read on.

Rain Man make joke.
Speaking or Rain Man, digression number two, why is Tom Cruise so universally disliked. I know he's a Scientologist and he's got some height issues and weirdness issues, make that weirdness issues deluxe, but I like him. Hey ho, there I've said it. I feel like I'm at a Tom Cruise anonymous meeting. "My name's Matt Janes and I like Tom Cruise". Not to be confused with a Gays Anonymous meeting "My name's Matt Janes and I like to cruise". Which is terrible really, terrible for two reasons. The first reason it's terrible is because it's just an awful play on words. The second reason why it's terrible is because it insinuates there's something wrong with loving another man, which of course there isn't. Like it's like being an alcoholic or something.

Oh dear, this all looks so much worse on paper than it was ever meant to. Why didn't I just get into the universal truth amongst women that all women hate Keira Knightley. A lesser known fact is actually if you ever want a sure fire way to spot a trannie don't go for the so-called tell tale signs, like an Adam's apple or big hands, or a cock. Well of course a cock is the definitive give away but it's sometimes not altogether practical to find out this way. And in many ways if you're not sure whether someones a man or a woman it would be better to find out before the cock test.

In an idea; world.

No, the best way to find out whether a woman who you suspect might be a man really is a man is just to ask, casually like, what they think of the actress Keira Knightley. Maybe mention a film she's been in or something. And see where that gets you. Of course, there's every chance they're going to say they hate her, in which case you've got nothing. But on the off-chance they say they like her.

Well fellas, you got yourself a shim.

Jesus. That was a whole heap of rambling. Didn't get any chance to talk about Frank Skinner and his Credit Crunch Cabaret "you can blame the yanks, you can blame the banks but it's us that'll have to pay", didn't get to make my rant about so-called secondary ticketing while still acknowledging my hypocritical attitude to it.

Didn't get to talk about how women think bread is from the devil and is literally evil.

And didn't get to talk Opera and the appropriate way to applaud the male or female lead "Bravo/Brava". All to come, but then again probably never on account of the constant deviations and digressions. All to come another day.

Cheerio for now.