Dear Jules.......

I've decided to write to Julian Metcalfe - he head honcho of Pret a Manger about his in-store Jazz policy.
Obviously, I haven't written to him, that would be far too brave, but someone else who co-habits at my address (anyone who knows me will know that this way madness lies) called Brian Broadbent has put pen to paper, or at least fingers to keys.

Or something.

I'd be lying if I didn't say the idea of writing letters wasn't at least partly inspired by The Timewaster Letters, but as far as I understand, the author of said tome, one Robin Cooper was in turn inspired by summit else. And so on and so forth. The end.

If you see Jules don't let on.

Letter below:

39a Casselden Road
London
NW10 8QR

18th February, 2009

Mr Julian Metcalfe
Pret a Manger founder
1 Hudson's Place
London
SW1V 1PZ

Dear Julian,

Or can I call you Jules? I know this is a bit of an odd thing to open a letter with, both because it’s quite informal and, as well, a letter is a two way conversation but over time. Like an email but much slower I suppose. Funny, I’d never thought about that before. Anyway, if you think Jules is too casual then let me know by reply.

So, well, actually just to go back to the Jules thing for a second, the reason I felt comfortable using a more ‘matey’ version of your name is because, in some regards I feel like I already know you and that we’re kind of mates. Not like mates, mates, do you fancy going out for a pint on Thursday 19th February at about 8.30 at a Weatherspoons somewhere central, I think I’m free, but more like mates as in I’ve been round to your house (assorted Pret a Manger stores throughout the London area) loads of times and enjoyed your delicious sandwiches and crisps loads of times, too. Delicious!!

If I said I’d eaten my own body weight in Pret A Manger – I’m going to refer to it as P.A.M for here on in I think – it wouldn’t be too much of an exaggeration.

And I’m 14 ½ stones, roughly, so think about that!
Loyal customer or what?

Anyway, as a Pretophile of the last five years – favourite sandwich ‘Chicken and Avocado’, previous favourite sandwich ‘Wild Crayfish and Rocket’, favourite ‘it’s a Friday do something new’ sandwich ‘Posh cheddar and pickle artisan baguette’, favourite crisps, ‘Sea salt and mixed peppercorns’, favourite drink, tie between ‘Pure Pret Ginger Beer’ and ‘Pure Pret Yoga Bunny’ (alternate days or weather dependent) – there’s something I’ve noticed recently and been wanting to ask you personally.

I have asked in a P.A.M. store but they said it might be best to write to head office.

My question is simply this.

Does Pret operate a pro-Jazz music policy?

The reason for my asking is that as a regular eater-inner, I’ve noticed, and this is something that I’ve only noticed over time, that low-level Jazz music seems to be the order of the day. And this is something I’ve noticed across your stores, in a recent survey of 3 stores all were playing jazz, or jazz-based music at each visit, three lunchtime visits and one breakfast visit and one asking a colleague who went to another P.A.M at breakfast whether she remembers if they were playing Jazz or not and she said maybe.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-Jazz. I don’t know much about Jazz if truth be told and I’m certainly not a racist, but I have noticed that eating while listening to Jazz music – I’ve tried a separate experiment at home with soup and bread in the evening- and imagine my surprise when I found it gave me chronic indigestion too. It must be the Jazz! There’s something about the incessant doodle-oodle ooing, bee bup bee bup beee bee bee bee, doodle up bee bup eeee ooh-ing of the singing and the sax and the uneven drumming that just really worms its way into my brain and gives me indigestion.

The less said about what that means I think the better. We’re all animals. We all know what indigestion sounds and smells like and its impolite and unnecessary to go into it any more I feel.

So, that’s my question? What’s with all the Jazz, man? That was a bit of an attempt at some jazzy talk, a little jokelette if you will, hope it didn’t fall flat but if it did, apologies.

I’m a huge P.A.M fan and certainly have no plans to eat elsewhere, especially not at that so called EAT place with it’s surly staff and stupid marker pen menus which look like they’re written by a five year old or something, but now I’ve noticed the Jazz in your stores, I’m slightly at a loss for what to do.

I suppose in the summer months I can simply take your wares and eat elsewhere like a nearby green space or some such, but for the remains of the winter, and let’s face it, in this country early spring can be cold too, I’m slightly at a loss for what to do.

I don’t want to eat at my desk, that would be not a fun luncheon.

Have you had any other feedback from other customers with regards to your Jazz?

Have you ever considered trialling a non-Jazz store? I would definitely frequent one should I learn of its existence

Have you ever considered an indigestion-based Jazz music questionnaire to slide onto your silver trays underneath the sandwiches for any other eater-inners?

I await your reply with keen anticipation,

Yours faithfully,




MR BRIAN BROADBENT

PS: What’s that tasty gunk you put in your chicken avocado sandwiches? Whatever it is you should patent it like they do the McDonald’s Big Mac secret sauce because it’s bloody lovely it is. Really.

PPS: If you were trialling a non-Jazz store I’d be happy to make you a mix tape with some sounds and tunes I’d enjoy eating too. At no charge, obviously.