Golman Sachs and the three ring (circus)

Working at Goldman Sachs does not sound like a barrel of laughs to me.
Unless that is you're someone that doesn't mind emailing other colleagues when you're about to go for a pee.

And that's what they have to do.

Because they have a culture of picking up the phone in 3 rings, and they're pretty serious about this, it means phones have to be covered at all times. Which means if you need to go pee pee you have to email a colleague so they'll cover you.

Colleague is definitely the right collective noun for Goldmans.

So you email T + K, 5 mins.

Toilet + Kitchen, 5 minutes.

That's a number one isn't it? 5 minutes is a quick pee, or if you're a lady a squeeze of your lemon then just enough time to make a cuppa and frog march it to your desk only partially scalding your hand as the boiling water slops around.

Can expand on this + nice simple jokes.

This must set up a whole load of Goldman Sachs code as to what people are doing when they're not answering the phone withing 3 rings.

T, 10 mins.

Translation: I'm having a dump.
Not planning on coming by the kitchen for a celebratory post-dump cup of tea.

T + D, 20mins tbc

Which obviously means. Toilet + Diarrhoea. 20 minutes is just a rough estimate. Who knows what's going to happen once that cubicle door is locked.

Diarrhoea is not a 3 ring situation. It takes time.

I didn't really need to telly you that mins meant minutes did I. I think you had that one covered.

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(if you ever did this out you'd do this bit first)

But 3 rings!

3 rings.

Now I understand why the banking crisis happened. Suddenly it all makes sense. Goldman Sachs, one of the world's biggest investment banks is solely focused on answering the phone quickly.

Bringgg Bringggg.

Hello Goldman Sachs.

Hello. What have you done with all my money?

(breezy robot) We don't know. We just answer phones quickly.

You're supposed to be an investment bank.
What's going on with my investments.

(breezy robot) We have absolutely no idea. Literally none. We just answer the phoned within 3 rings. We were hoping if we did that people would get the distinct impression we knew what we were doing.

You're nuts.

(breezy robot) It used to be within 4 rings but since the banking meltdown we've gone to 3. We think people need more re-assurance that we know what we're doing now.

But you don't .

(breezy robot) Absolutely correct.
But we can tell you that within 3 rings.