Who reads this blog anyway? Not even it's writer, that's who.

So, adding value is the theme of the Buddhist Organisation SGI.

Or maybe another way of interpreting this was finding the value in any situation.
This would be a good thing to drum into my pretty little head.

It's something that I know about and believe in anyway, I suppose.

Something that I've definitely talked to my sister about - the idea that whatever's happening is happening for a reason and the trick is to try and find a way of learning from it.

Of finding value from it.

So yesterday was a good example, I thought.

I got really quite cross around 4ish working at home in the back room when my not always considerate of others neighbour invited a friend over for tea and then started with the whoomp whoomp whoomp of bass-in-the-place average house music.

Miao.

Chairman Miaow.

Creativity is mistakes as Grayson Perry once remarked on Radio 4 - something he has written down on a beam in his studio.

And something I mentioned to Kim Buteyko Breath Coach when he said people who are enlightened 'Shine out like a sore thumb'.

I know this was a mistake, and what a glorious mistake it was.

Anyway, I digress.
Which incidentally should and could well be the title of my autobiography.

The value creation of what was happening there was shifting me to another room to work in - incidentally, where I'm sat now, which while it doesn't have any direct sunlight, has a much nice bigger table, and higher ceilings and is actually really nice to work in.

So there.

That was the value that I was trying to create and that was the value I found it difficult to see.

Just like the value in the situation of Elissa blowing me out last night, but perhaps not in the way I was initially hoping.

Actually, when I spent time with her, I found her quite annoying.
And then we had all those - holier than thou - arguments.

And then she changed her plans at the last minute.

I think the value to be added there or rather to be found is not to waste too much time or effort into making plans with her.

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And as for the - self inflicted - predicament I find myself in today, this morning, this week, well, this has also happened for a reason.

OK, I'm not particularly happy at this exact moment in time with some of the macro things that are going on. Living on my own. No girlfriend. Having to self structure and so on and so forth, but you know what, that's OK.

I've obviously put myself in this 'stress position' for a reason.

I wasn't happy at RKCR, where I was working on my own, having to muddle along and feel embarrassed at doing things I wasn't particularly skilled at - visual stuff - and work on work which was at the very bottom of the food chain in terms of whether people considered it important.

So, to some extent I find myself left with the life that I had anyway.

I suppose the difference now is because of the amount of time I have, my energy will 'break out' and force me, not in an angry way, but naturally flow out of me and make me go in new directions.

And that can be no bad thing.

I suppose it's similar to people who devote their lives to becoming an artist. The hard thing is not having a job, in a lot of ways, that's the easy thing. Someone tells you what to do, there's a hierarchy, a structure, all of that stuff. You get paid at the end of each month, someone else makes the rules.

That world wasn't for me. Clearly.

But the other world I find myself in now is really hard too. Granted, I'm not an artist, but there is something akin to the artist's way that has meant I've put myself in this situation.

Hope that's cleared everything up.

At least on a slightly grey, humid, Tuesday late July morning.

Peace.

Out.

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