Heard a thing on the radio where this guy rang in to do a music quiz.
He said he was into re enactments.
Also said he worked in a factory making shoes for disabled people.
Was into rock music, predominantly.
---
But also loved Erasure.
---
Hmmmmm......
---
Creates more questions than answers wouldn't you say?
---
Could you ever take a decapitated human head to a re-enactment or would it be in bad taste?
What about a Viking re-enactment. Could you do a little bit of raping in the car park before you turned up to do the actual re-enactment which is mostly just pillaging?
Tuesday, 29 September 2009
Terrorism
You know what really really gets my goat about Islamic Fundamentalists
and the threat of terrorism?
It's that now, the most accurate word that describes what happens when someones daughter chases their dad with a water pistol can no longer be used.
And there's no more accurate word than terrorises.
Stop terrorising your poor father with that water pistol.
And when anecdotes are told about the summer's day, again, they are recounted without the word terrorism.
"Oh, it was such a nice day. Sun was out, barbecue, Little Lois was chasing John with the water pistol".
Not really cutting it is it, chasing.
Of course, all this begs the question. What happens at at an Islamic Fundamentalist barbecue. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to be politically incorrect. An Islamic fundamentalist halal barbecue.
Phew. Feel like that's cleared the air a little.
I mean they're in the same boat.
If you were describing a barbecue on a beautiful summer's day outside a cave in Afghanistan you'd be in the same boat.
"Oh it was such a nice day.
Sun was out, barbecue, Mohammed jnr was terrorising MohamDad with a water pistol all day long. So funny."
"This does not sound like a fun barbecue. Why is Mohammed Jnr terrorising his Islamist father. Were there no infidels there to terrorise?"
"Oh silly me. I have used the wrong word. He was not terrorising his father with a water pistol. He was water boarding him. Language is such a funny thing. Always getting me confused. What a numptie I am. And what a strange, probably not at all accurate accent I have"
and the threat of terrorism?
It's that now, the most accurate word that describes what happens when someones daughter chases their dad with a water pistol can no longer be used.
And there's no more accurate word than terrorises.
Stop terrorising your poor father with that water pistol.
And when anecdotes are told about the summer's day, again, they are recounted without the word terrorism.
"Oh, it was such a nice day. Sun was out, barbecue, Little Lois was chasing John with the water pistol".
Not really cutting it is it, chasing.
Of course, all this begs the question. What happens at at an Islamic Fundamentalist barbecue. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean to be politically incorrect. An Islamic fundamentalist halal barbecue.
Phew. Feel like that's cleared the air a little.
I mean they're in the same boat.
If you were describing a barbecue on a beautiful summer's day outside a cave in Afghanistan you'd be in the same boat.
"Oh it was such a nice day.
Sun was out, barbecue, Mohammed jnr was terrorising MohamDad with a water pistol all day long. So funny."
"This does not sound like a fun barbecue. Why is Mohammed Jnr terrorising his Islamist father. Were there no infidels there to terrorise?"
"Oh silly me. I have used the wrong word. He was not terrorising his father with a water pistol. He was water boarding him. Language is such a funny thing. Always getting me confused. What a numptie I am. And what a strange, probably not at all accurate accent I have"
Friday, 4 September 2009
character acting/writing vs stand up
Have realised that some of the things I was most entertained by in Edinburgh were actually character based stuff, like Al Murray or Colin Hoult and his carnival of Monsters and Seyomour Mace's Sundayland come to think of it.
Colin Hoult's Karate Guy from Derby? who'd been trained by Sensei Steve.
The martial arts guy from Seymour Mace's show, have you ever wanted to do this 'Get fucked!'. Etc.
Worth thinking about as I pursue different forms of writing, it's fun making and creating a character and giving them little turns of phrase, voices, back stories and so on and so forth.
Hmmmmmm........
Colin Hoult's Karate Guy from Derby? who'd been trained by Sensei Steve.
The martial arts guy from Seymour Mace's show, have you ever wanted to do this 'Get fucked!'. Etc.
Worth thinking about as I pursue different forms of writing, it's fun making and creating a character and giving them little turns of phrase, voices, back stories and so on and so forth.
Hmmmmmm........
food, glorious food
Some unrelated food things
Twix's have their guideline daily allowances split per bar. Now I'm not someone renowned for willpower especially when it comes to not eating chocolate but come one people.
Do you know anyone who's ever had a twix finger and then put the other finger aside for later?
Does this really happen?
---
Unusual food combos. I've been getting quite obsessed recently by the guy who invented, or first tried out parma ham and melon.
[could you do a gig where people had miniature tupperware boxes under their seats with said foodstuffs in?]
Twix's have their guideline daily allowances split per bar. Now I'm not someone renowned for willpower especially when it comes to not eating chocolate but come one people.
Do you know anyone who's ever had a twix finger and then put the other finger aside for later?
Does this really happen?
---
Unusual food combos. I've been getting quite obsessed recently by the guy who invented, or first tried out parma ham and melon.
[could you do a gig where people had miniature tupperware boxes under their seats with said foodstuffs in?]
My Psychiatrist hung himself
Remember our little career change friend who on the back of doing some career counselling realised it "wasn't for him".
Hee hee.
Well, he's back and he's writing a book and not least of which because he gave me a refund I'm going to help him along.
---
Some interesting things came out of our initial chats though.
Interesting thing ONE
1. People can sometimes look to their careers to give them too much of what they want/need. A hobby can fill in a lot of the missing bits if you know what they are, where to look for them.
This has always struck me as v.interesting I reckon.
2. Po Bronson's book, he reckons is a good 'un for Career Change inspiration.
3. If there's a kind of work you're good at/trained in, it might just be rather than you not enjoying it, you don't enjoy the way it's structured. So for example, his scenario with career counselling is that he doesn't like doing it face-to-face, or rather than not like, it's just not cost efficient.
So, that's his thing, he wants to do it but on his terms, his terms being over the phone. Whether he can then persuade clients of the value of this is another question but it's good that he's worked out what he wants at least.
---
That's all for now.
Peace.
x
Hee hee.
Well, he's back and he's writing a book and not least of which because he gave me a refund I'm going to help him along.
---
Some interesting things came out of our initial chats though.
Interesting thing ONE
1. People can sometimes look to their careers to give them too much of what they want/need. A hobby can fill in a lot of the missing bits if you know what they are, where to look for them.
This has always struck me as v.interesting I reckon.
2. Po Bronson's book, he reckons is a good 'un for Career Change inspiration.
3. If there's a kind of work you're good at/trained in, it might just be rather than you not enjoying it, you don't enjoy the way it's structured. So for example, his scenario with career counselling is that he doesn't like doing it face-to-face, or rather than not like, it's just not cost efficient.
So, that's his thing, he wants to do it but on his terms, his terms being over the phone. Whether he can then persuade clients of the value of this is another question but it's good that he's worked out what he wants at least.
---
That's all for now.
Peace.
x
Tuesday, 1 September 2009
Panini Confusion
Going to tell you about a shop called panini confu-sion.
A place where the notion of choice is just an illusion
Which is a great 80's song by Imagination
But can be rather annoying
If you're ordering some luncheon
'Cause when you go out for lunch and order a panini
What you get in your bag is a 100% mystery.
You could have asked for parma ham, rocket and mozarella.
And walked out out of there with tuna and mortadella.
Mortadella's an Italian sausage, I got nothing against it.
But if you wanted parma ham you're going to be a bit miffed.
You see a panini decision is not lightly arrived at.
You think, wonder and muse.
before selecting ingredients that.
Complement one another in an unsual way
Or are a risk free combo you have every Tuesday.
Like tuna mayonnaise with lettuce.
It's a safe choice.
If you're in a place where you need a panini that delivers safety over inspiration.
Go for that one.
Unless you're not into fish.
But that kind of goes without saying really.
But I've said it.
So there.
----
Panini Panini
Confusion Confusion
The notion of choice
is just an illusion
Panini Panini
Confusion Confusion
Your chicken avocado
Is just a delusion
Which is similar in a way
To just an illusion
But delusion means madness
So literally speaking
It's closer to confusion
And panini confusion will drive you mad if you let it.
Like when you get exactly what you ordered
But minus the lettuce
And you think to yourself
Did I order lettuce?
I'm sure I asked for lettuce?
Did I order lettuce?
And the thing is you did.
It's just in panini confusion
You're going to bid
Farewell to any ideas of choosing or choice
And go with the flow
In the randomness rejoice
You see panini confusion is much more than just food
It's a code for living
It's an idea and lesson
One to learn if you're shrewd.
It says in the panini of life
We don't always get what we want
But it takes away the pressure
Of a bad choice that haunts.
These days I order whatever I think
Tuna and sausage or melon and brie that stinks
It's not like I'm getting the combo I asked for
And frees me up in my order to not be such a big bore.
It's a new way of living when you're stuck in a rut
Try out some new fillings,
Experiment with your gut
You see Panini Confusion is not a bad thing
Sounds like a Genesis b-side,
With Phil Collins is king.
Panini Panini
Confusion Confusion
The notion of choice
is just an illusion
Panini Panini
Confusion Confusion
Your chicken avocado
Is just a delusion
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
